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Couple Science Blog

When an unwavering commitment to your partner can be a big problem

In the Sound Relationship House, a theory created by Dr. John and Julie Gottman of the Gottman Institute in Seattle Washington, the two pillars that hold up a relationship are trust and commitment.

Without trust and commitment, Gottman research has shown that a relationship cannot last, and if it does last, it will commonly be fraught with unhappiness.

However, as you can see, there are many things that make up a sound and solid relationship.

Things can go wrong for people that are deeply loyal and committed to a relationship but are unable to resolve conflicts, make amends, and engage in other rituals of connection that enable a relationship to do more than just exist.

At CoupleScience we use the Gottman Enhanced Relationship Checkup from the Gottman Institute to thoroughly assess a relationship's strengths and weaknesses.

For some couples, the results of the assessment will reveal that while a couple is determined to remain together, they may have serious issues regarding truly connecting with one another, dealing with repetitive disagreements, and interacting with each other consistently in a positive, friendly and cooperative way.

Couples that wind up deeply committed but unable to function as a couple can end up feeling hopeless, trapped and helpless.

Instead of being adamantly devoted to maintaining a relationship, the ideal situation when you start couple's counseling is to be dedicated to improving your relationship and your own behaviors and attitudes.

While trust and commitment are essential to long term relationship success, the things that contribute to thriving as a couple need to be in place also.

Otherwise, it's like putting new bread on a very old sandwich: it won't make it healthy.

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