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Blue Personal Objects

Couple Science Blog

When it's about sex

Updated: Apr 27, 2022

Sex is important for the majority of married couples or people in committed relationships. It usually starts out as an important part of the time couples spend together but tends to go downhill for many couples.

Loving sex bonds people. It's the glue that helps people stay together. And for every hour you're having sex, at least you aren't arguing right?

In fact, studies have shown that a happy intimate life can improve communication and reduce conflict in relationships.

So what about when things go wrong in the bedroom?

Many couples seek out CoupleScience's help when their sex life is on the rocks.

We've found, however, that it is rarely just sex that's the problem.

Oftentimes sexual issues are the canary in the coal mine. They are the first indicators that something is going wrong for many couples.

It's not unusual for couples to attribute negative changes with their love life to a variety of other situations. Young couples adjusting to having children. Older couples adjusting to changing bodies. Middle ages couples dealing with exhaustion from work and taking care of elderly parents. The list of possible contributing problems is endless.

However just hoping that a problem in your sex life will "fix itself" or "go away" is usually wishful thinking.

At CoupleScience, we aren't certified Sex Therapists, but we are qualified to deal with many of the common problems that interfere with intimacy in relationships.

For example, it's easy to think of the health of your sex life as being determined by what happens in the bedroom. But we've found that problems in the bedroom usually started in the living room! In other words, unresolved conflicts, resentments, and hurt feelings certainly can contribute to a loss of desire for intimacy in one or both partners.

Additionally, as the Gottman Institute of Seattle Washington emphasizes, the real issue is lovemaking, not sex. Lovemaking is any act of kindness, attention, caring, or love that partners do for each other throughout the day, and the week. Rituals of connection help partners weave a balance of love making and sexy times into their everyday lives.

And if you've completely fallen away from each other sexually, there's a road back to intimacy! However it takes time, because the problems didn't develop overnight and neither will the solutions.

CoupleScience's approach to helping couples with intimacy problems begins with a thorough assessment, followed by an individualized plan depending on each couple's situation.

The one thing you will find at CoupleScience is hopefulness. We believe in the strength of love and friendship. If a couple are willing to be receptive to opening their minds to different views of what lovemaking is all about in the big picture, progress follows!

Kathleen Anderson, LMHC LLC

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